If you’ve made it this far into 2020 and haven’t cried into a pint of ice cream or screamed into bag of chips, I’m not even sure you’re human. This year has been one giant emotional roller coaster. It’s possible emotional eating has intensified or become a regular part of your life. If so, please take a moment to recognize that you’re doing your best and just trying to get through a really tough year. We all are.
It’s normal to enjoy food for comfort, make it central to a celebration, or occasionally use food as a reward. Having said that, if you’ve found yourself staring at the empty bottom of said ice cream or chips more times than you can count, you might want to have a good look at your coping skills. If food is the only thing available to you, perhaps it’s time to expand your options.
The main reason? Emotional hunger can’t be satisfied with food. If you try, you’ll find yourself reaching for your go-to food over-and-over again, only to find your emotions and problems still exist. And, most likely, you’ve added a big ol’ side of guilt and shame to go along with it. More uncomfortable emotions to deal with. Rinse and repeat, and we’ve found ourselves in a vicious cycle.
If you’re looking to break this cycle of emotional eating, start by getting curious and asking yourself these questions:
Are my basic needs being met?
When working with clients, one place I like to start is making sure your basic care needs are being met. Are you getting enough sleep? How’s your stress? Do you get any regular movement? Are you eating enough throughout the day?
It’s hard to tackle our problems and deal with our emotions when we are tired, hungry, and stressed. Sleep, exercise, and stress all have a huge impact on our overall health, just as nutrition does. And they are all interconnected. Not getting enough sleep will trigger physiological responses that increase sugar cravings. Stress can do the same for some. For others, it will dampen our hunger cues so we don’t fuel our bodies enough. Lack of movement can leave you feeling lethargic. A lot of times, what we deem to be problematic overeating at night is actually your body’s way of telling you to take care of yourself.
Perhaps it’s time to listen.
What are your emotional eating triggers?
Learning what events and emotions can trigger emotional eating is an important part of healing your relationship with food. One way to do this is to keep a food and mood journal. For a few days, write down the time you ate, what you were doing or feeling just before you ate, and what you ate. The point of this exercise is not to judge, but to learn.
Try to be neutral when reviewing your journal. For example, instead of saying “I can’t believe I ate a whole box of cookies, I’m so bad.” try this instead: “I ate all these cookies because I was feeling angry and wasn’t prepared to deal with it. Next time, I’ll try taking a walk instead.” See the difference? The second statement is neutral and simply states the facts, whereas the first is negative and associates morality with the action of overeating. You’re not bad if you overeat.
What do you really need?
If not food, then what?
Discovering what you really need instead of food can be tough. It’s uncomfortable dealing with our feelings – that’s why we choose other things instead. Have patience with yourself as you go through this work.
You might review your journal and see some obvious patterns, but not really know what the next steps are. Whether you tried a food and mood journal or not, here’s an exercise that can help you identify your needs. The next time you feel the urge to eat, but aren’t feeling physically hungry, try the following:
- Before you eat (or continue eating), set a timer for 5 minutes. Find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down. Explore your feelings – what are you feeling right now?
- When the timer goes off, ask yourself: what do I need right now to deal with these feelings? Perhaps you need connection or to feel nurtured and cared for. Write it down if it helps.
- Consider what to do next. How can you fulfill your needs without food? It’s possible that what you truly need is not available to you in that moment, and that’s okay. If you end up eating, try to do so slowly and mindfully so as to enjoy it. Use the experience as a learning opportunity, rather than judging yourself for eating when you weren’t hungry.
What to do instead of emotional eating
This will depend on the reasons why you are eating in the first place. If you find you eat out of boredom or distraction, look for alternative activities instead. And while distraction in itself won’t solve your problems either, sometimes we need something to do until we are ready to deal with our feelings. Being with your emotions all the time is exhausting and not the expectation.
Here are a few ideas:
- do something creative
- go for a walk
- listen to a podcast or audiobook
- watch a movie or tv show
- read a book
- have a bubble bath
- do some yoga
- put on some music and dance
- have a cup of tea
- book a massage
- take a nap or just rest to some soothing music
- practice meditating
- play cards or a board game with friends or family
- play with your dog or cat
- buy fresh flowers for your house
- spend time gardening outside or caring for houseplants
- give yourself a manicure, pedicure, or facial
- do a crossword or Sudoku puzzle
- read a magazine
- work on a jigsaw puzzle
When you are ready to deal with your emotions you can:
- call a friend or trusted loved one to talk through your feelings
- schedule a session with your therapist
- write out your feelings in a journal
- try some breathing exercises
- confront the person you have an issue with
- sit with your feelings – with time the intensity will lessen
- have a good cry
- let out some anger by hitting a pillow or punching bag
Working on emotional eating takes practice, self-compassion, and time. There’s no quick fix, but doing the work will improve your relationship with food and can free you from the feelings of guilt and shame that are often associated with emotional eating.
Think you might need help with your emotional eating? Book a free discovery call and let’s chat to see how I can help you.
